The secret diary of Joanne Jefferson aged 16 34
by geekchic79
Summary: This is the diary of Joanne Jefferson, high school student, straight A student actually, future lawyer, probable lunatic, and lesbian. It feels good to finally say it, I think." Mojo and now all the bohemians high school fic with a twist
1. Chapter 1

The secret diary of Joanne Jefferson aged 16 ¾

A/N: Hey! Seeing as rent closes in… 1534 minutes, I thought I'd write something to try and cheer everyone up a bit, but then it just went angsty so sorry about that lol anyways I know it sucks that rent is closing an we're all gonna miss it loads : but I reckon the best way is to celebrate it, cos it's never gonna be gone forever. Go out tonight! Light someone's candle! Write one great song before you go! Jump over the moon! Ok enough with the appallingly bad use of rent lyrics. No day but today. Happy reading!

The secret diary of Joanne Jefferson aged 16 ¾

Now I've got this book open I don't really know what to write, my pens keep running out or breaking, or the ball point nib keeps getting stuck inside the plastic casing because I left them on the beach in the sand last year. Now all the tiny grains of rock are stuck up there and they make the spring twist and buckle until I have to throw them away and steal my brother's ink pen.

So now I've finally found a pen that works; this is the secret diary of Joanne Jefferson, high school student, straight A student actually, future lawyer, probable lunatic, and…

Never mind

Hmmm, likes and dislikes next maybe? I don't know what you're meant to put in a diary, then again I don't suppose it really matters, no one else is gonna read this, my friend, Jen, said that writing stuff down helps you figure things out, and I've got a hell of a lot of figuring out to do so I grabbed this empty red notebook from my dad's bookshelf and now here I am.

I could write about, school, but that's boring, too many exams, to much pressure

I could write about my friends?

Family?

But what if they read it?

No! I'll hide it in a place where only I can find it. This is just for me, no one else, for once, no one can give this piece of writing a grade, mark it out of twenty seven, or give me a detention if I don't write in it regularly, I could even make grammar mistakes if I wanted to, no, wait, forget I said that.

So anyway, likes

Likes

Likes

Likes

I like…. School I guess

I like music

I like baking cookies

I like getting up early when there's no one else around and enjoying the quiet before the madness of a new day starts

I like to sing

But I really

Really

Really

Like,

Jennifer

There ok I said it, I like her, I really like her, I'm gushing like and idiot but I think it might be love

This is the diary of Joanne Jefferson, high school student, straight A student actually, future lawyer, probable lunatic, and lesbian.

It feels good to finally say it, I think.

I don't know what to do, should I tell my parents, they'd kick me out for sure; wouldn't they? they even banned me from watching my favourite soap after one of the characters came out. Not one pupil out of the 2450 in my all girls' high school is gay, at least if they are, they're not letting on. Before I new I liked girls the only time I'd ever heard the word 'lesbian' was when one of the girls in my history class decided to strike up a conversation about how the whole thing made her feel sick. I stopped sitting with them after that.

Jen doesn't take art, so I've been on my own on the table in the corner for the whole semester. But there's a whole load of newbies coming into my class this year, maybe I'll find someone to sit with? I've known Jen since kindergarten, I've never really needed anyone else. She's funny, smart, she's got these gorgeous big brown eyes and long dirty blonde hair. And a boyfriend. His name's Steve.

I've gotta get out of here. Escape to the big city, bright lights, a thousand faces, people who accept you for who you are. But right now, I'm scared, I've never felt like this before. And there's no one to talk to. Jen would hate me, and before you know it, it'd be all over school and I'd be beaten up again against the back wall of the science block.

I hate this place! This stuffy, closed-minded middle class hell. Anyone different just gets cast aside, you can't say anything without causing raised eyebrows or shocked faces. I just want to be free. I'll probably read this back and rip the pages out in a couple of minutes, I hate reading my own writing. Everything's so jumbled up, like the thoughts have just tumbled out of my head and onto the page. I'm not, scared, I'm not ashamed of who I am, I'm just not, ready.

I've got to go, Jennifer is coming round soon and we're going to meet some new girl called Maureen at the park, I wonder if she'll be any different?

A/N: Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think or if you want me to continue

xxx


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Diary

A/N: Not much to say really, just, happy reading! We'll miss you rent and no day but today!

Disclaimer: I don't own rent, or tick tick boom (cookies to anyone who can spot the tick tick boom reference :p)

Dear Diary

Oh. Sweet. Lord. I have so much to tell you!

I know it's only a day since I last wrote but so much has happened! And it's been magical; it's been fireworks, great big sparkling whirling singing rockets going off inside my head. And all because of her! I can't wait to tell you! But I might have to eat this page after I've written it all down; mum's started to notice me carrying around this little red book all the time and she's bound to want to look in it at some point.

Anyway, I'll start at the beginning, that sounds stupid now I've written it, where else was I gonna start? Sorry, right, the beginning

I can see Jen approaching the house from the window; I chuck this diary down on my bed and run down the stairs. Jen knocks at the door and asks me how I am, I mumble 'fine' or something nonspecific, why is it that I can never form a coherent sentence when she's near me? She's wearing a cute little cotton blouse and flowery skirt, her long blonde hair is tied back in plaits that play across her shoulders, she smiles at me,

"Are you ready to go?"

"Sure" I reply grabbing my bag from the hooks by the front door, "Mum!" I shout up the stairs, "I'm going to the park with Jen!"

My ever over-bearing mother rushes down the stairs,

"Alright but be back by eight-thirty and don't go off with any boys-"

I smiled to myself, that really wasn't something she needed to worry about

"And don't go near the trees at the other end of the park because-"

Behind my mum's back I roll my eyes at Jen, she blinks at me,

"And whatever you do please don't talk to any of those new families."

I turned sharply to face her, "Why not?" I challenged quietly

"Don't you take that tone with me Joanne," she reprimands, "I just don't like some of the things I've been hearing. Now off you go and don't be back late"

With that she ushers us out of the door

"Good thing we didn't tell her about Maureen" I whisper in Jen's ear, she giggles and bites her lip.

"Come on we'll be late,"

We walk side by side and Jen natters on about music, and school and friends, across the road two men stroll arm in arm gazing up at the brilliant sunset which etches pink and gold patterns across the dusky sky.

Suddenly Jen stops talking, "Eurgh!" she whispers disgustedly, "Are they both men?!"

"Just leave it Jen," I reply staring miserably at my trainers, and then I mutter under my breath "what difference does it make?"

"But its wrong! It's gross!" Jen continues twiddling her plaits, "my dad says-"

I lower my head, biting back a reply, Jen's my friend, I don't want us to argue, I watch with longing as the two men disappear around the next corner fingers still intertwined, poor sweet conservative Jen, how can I ever tell her? I let her continue her rant.

We're nearly at the park now, there's a girl already there waiting by the swings, the new people all looked pretty special, but this girl is something else.

Dark, wild curly hair that masses around her shoulders, bright scarlet lips, brown eyes that seem to flash and gleam even from where I'm standing. Wow! Could that be Maureen?! She's dressed in the most amazing clothes I've ever seen. A thousand million miles away from Jen's floral prints and flouncy dresses, this girls wearing black leather, thigh length boots, a tight top complete with ragged red velvet jacket. But she's sweet too, tall, slender, she's electric, the night sky seems to glitter around the place where she sits, the stars are shining for her. Like spotlights on her own personal stage. She's alone, I'm alone, but then Jen's voice clatters and clangs and I'm brought screeching back to reality.

"If you ask me all gay people are going against God! They ought to be locked up."

And that's it, right there, something inside of me snaps and I can feel the anger inside of me, coursing through my veins like my whole body's on fire. I tear my gaze away from the girl at the swings,

I turn on her, "Well you better send me straight to hell Jen." I spit the words out viciously, "Because I don't want to hide who I am anymore."

Jen's eyes widen in shock, in fear, were still walking we've almost reached the swings. I take a step back from her, breathing heavily; there are tears in my eyes. There are tears in Jen's eyes too, clinging to her eyelashes and for a moment I think everything's going to be ok, I'll be accepted and Jen will pull me into one of her super tight bear hugs and tell me it doesn't matter to her.

But it doesn't happen, Jen's look of horror turns to one of disgust, her face is white, twisted and contorted with hate,

"Don't ever come near me again" she hisses

And she's gone, storming off across the field into the dark and I'm left, standing with Maureen, by the swings.

"Hey!" she borderline shouts, "I'm Maureen, who are you?"

"Joanne," I mumble, flopping myself down heavily on the swing next to her

"Rough night already?" She smiles at me

"You have no idea,"

"Wanna talk about it?"

I stare into her deep brown eyes; it feels like I can trust her

"It's just-" I sigh, I think some people find it easy to open up, Today I'm really not one of those people. "Do you ever wish you could just be accepted for who you are?" I question her,

"Just came out to your friend huh? Maureen replies, lighting up a cigarette. I stare back at her, doesn't she mind?

"How did you know?" I stutter, my face is probably a complete picture

"Come on!" she grins, "I saw the way you were looking at me back there!" She gestures down at her perfect body, "Hell, who can blame you, if I was you I'd probably be the same!"

I laugh in disbelief, this girl is something different. "You are un-"

Maureen cuts me off, "And I saw the way that girl ditched you, and I know what that's like," her bold eyes outlined in jet black are softer now and I feel my self lean towards her.

She jumps up and grabs my hand pulling me off the swing, "But forger her, forget all those stupid closed minded losers! What do you wanna do?!"

I look at her, confused

"Come on!" She bounces on her heels, "Where do you wanna go, I've only just moved here and I wanna see the nightlife!"

I smile, her energy is infectious, she's right! Forget Jen, forget school, forget my parents, I don't want to remember, I want to have fun.

We go over to the trees and swap stories about climbing up the drain pipe at midnight because we've broken curfew, Maureen tells me about her old home, she's from New York! She talks about boyfriends and city lights, Broadway and Time Square on New Year's Eve. I've only known her for half an hour but she understands me better than anyone I've ever met. We're swapping sweets, those bright coloured sugary things, Twinkies I think they're called, the hard candy sticks to my lips and there's a rainbow metallic taste in my mouth. Suddenly it starts to rain, full on, monster size drops that soak our hair and make my top stick to my shivering body. Its dark now, way past curfew but I don't even care. Maureen looks different now,

"we'd better go" I smile, concerned "your drenched already,"

"Alright," she giggles, as she turns round to get up our lips brush against each other, I start to pull away, but then she starts to kiss me back, her lips are soft and I'm kissing her too, and its perfect, she opens her mouth and slides her tongue across mine, suddenly I break the kiss, I must be mad

"I didn't know you were a-" I begin, she silences me with another kiss as she slides down between my legs and I collapse into her, kissing, touching, tasting trying desperately to get enough of her. Tongues and teeth collide as I run my fingers through her messy hair and we beg each other for more.

An hour later and we're snuggled together against the same tree, the rain's stopped and Maureen is sleeping lightly against my chest, I kiss her cheek, its almost eleven,

"I've got to go," I whisper

Maureen mumbles, still half asleep, "don't"

"I'll come back, I promise, tomorrow, I kiss her again and leave her stirring softly in the grass.

Dear Diary

All the lights are on as I reach home, my heads spinning, but I couldn't care less, I reach up to put my key in the door, but before I can get up to my room someone wrenches my arm. My mother towers in front of me, clutching a small red book in her sweaty hands.

Oh god

"Joanne," Her face is twisted with anger and she's breathing in and out heavily, she looks ready to slap me, her fists are clenched,

"Get out of my house; you're not welcome here anymore"

A/N: Thanks for reading, please review!


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Diary

A/N: Hey! This chapter is dedicated to everyone who reviewed especially Dr. Crazy Homeschooler for being so complimentary and SPEEEEEEEAK just cos I love it when people call me chica lol. Anyways this chapter turned out pretty different that what I expected, so have a read and see what you think! It was meant to be Joanne getting to school but then I got a bit caught up lol I will try and get the next chapter tomorrow unless I am ravaged by the perils of writers block, but enough of my ramblings, happy reading!

Dear Diary

All the lights are on as I reach home, my heads spinning, but I couldn't care less, I reach up to put my key in the door, but before I can get up to my room someone wrenches my arm. My mother towers in front of me, clutching a small red book in her sweaty hands.

Oh god

"Joanne," Her face is twisted with anger and she's breathing in and out heavily, she looks ready to slap me, her fists are clenched,

"Get out of my house; you're not welcome here anymore"

"What?" my response is automatic,

"You heard me Joanne, get your things, and then leave."

I'm shaking now and I can feel the tears in my eyes, burning sweet scalding tracks down my frozen cheeks, "But mum-" my mouth is still open in disbelief

"Don't call me that"

"But I'm your daughter" my voice catches in my throat

"I didn't raise any child of mine to be a-" she can't even say it, she turns away, away from me,

"To be a what?" I spit, I'm angry now but it hurts to, where am I going to live? I haven't got anyone else, I don't want to exist on the street, what about school? What about my future? What about my family?

She won't even look at me

"To be someone who's proud of who she is? To someone who's happy?"

"To be a queer!" she screams

"But I'm in love" I whisper,

"With Jennifer?" she's still screaming, "I thought she was a nice girl, so sweet, so-"

"No!" I blurt out, "Jen's not- Please don't tell her parents she's gay because she isn't- her parents'll kill her!"

I pause, "but this is who I am, this is the real me"

Her eyes are still cold, but there are no tears now, "this is the life you've chosen?"

I nod, letting the tears smudge my make-up, she's still holding the diary in my hands

"Then I have no interest in knowing the real you."

She throws the diary at my feet, I flinch, and I'm alone. Standing on the staircase I fall down onto the carpeted step. Mum has stormed into the sitting room, where my father is waiting, staring at the floor.

"Dad-" I plead

"You've got ten minutes Joanne," he says, his tone monosyllabic, his voice devoid of emotion, "get your things and then I want you out of my house."

"But where will I-"

"That's not my concern, you have disgraced this family-"

"Disgraced this family!" I shout, throwing the diary down on the floor, my whole body's trembling

"You're the one who's telling his own daughter to hit the street because she's being true to who-"

"GET OUT!" my father screams and rages, sheer anger tearing his throat, making his mouth foam and spit, his eyes bulge

"YOU'RE DEAD TO ME! JOANNE DO YOU HEAR? DEAD TO ME"

I turn and flee, hurtling myself up the stairs to my room, grabbing my school bag from under my desk I shove objects at random into the pockets, an old jumper, a sleeping bag, this diary, pyjamas, my moth eaten old teddy, but he has to be left behind, mum gave him to me and I don't want to have anything to do with her ever again. I thunder down the stairs and slam the door. Its dark and cold there are no cars on the road, outside I run for several streets then through my self down against the side of a building, breathing heavily, my hearts pounding, it feels like the whole of New York city is raging and screaming through my head, until I see her, Maureen? No. It's a skinny girl with her boyfriend's arm wrapped tightly around her waste. She looks down at my sweaty face angrily, I'm sorry if I'm ruining her perfect evening.

I close my eyes and try and catch my breath

Where can I go?

I look around, I'd heard stories about terrible things happening to people who lived on the streets at night, but I'd be ok, wouldn't I?

It was a nice neighbourhood; want would anyone want with a sixteen year old girl anyway?

I shudder

I could sleep near home, but what if they found me?

And then it clicks, I head back to the last place I felt safe, the last place I felt happy.

I curl up under the trees, the breeze is lighter now and the roots of the trees wrap round my still trembling body, I rest my cheek against the earthy ground and the clouds block out the light from the silver dribbled moon, finally everything is calm. I can still feel a bit of Maureen's scent hanging in the air, I can still taste her in my mouth, I close my eyes again, pulling my sleeping bag closer around me, I can't sleep, I just think of her.

A/N: P.S. there are some great videos of rent's opening night on Broadway up on youtube now, search feline0favenueB


	4. Chapter 4

I wake up with a jolt, my head throbs unpleasantly, why is it so cold

A/N: Hey! Thanks for sticking with it! This next chapter starts of sad but hopefully it gets happier, this and the next chapter will introduce all our favourite bohemians, I couldn't leave them out :p so happy reading!

I wake up with a jolt, my head throbs unpleasantly, why is it so cold?

Then it all comes kicking, raging, screaming back, I lean weakly against the tree, then I hear a noise behind me

I scramble into a sitting position, running my numb fingers through my messy hair in a vain attempt to make it lie straight. My chest heaves and there's a lump in my throat, tears sting my eyes as everything that happened last night comes flooding back.

I can vaguely hear the kids going to school, chattering about homework and last night's t.v, a group walks right past me and I dodge behind a tree. They smooth down their long skirts and adjust their perfectly plaited hair, applying the faintest hint of make-up for the boys at the mixed school down the road that we weren't even allowed to go near because of its 'un-godly reputation' Maureen goes there.

I panic, I haven't got any of my things for school, just the old jumper and jeans that I'm wearing, it hits me and I start to cry, I can't go home.

Picking my self up I drift towards the mass of bodies towards the school, dimly aware of what's going round me I trace the footsteps of the group of girls in front, walking in a kind of daze along the dusty path.

"She really said that?"

"I can't believe she said that!"

"So have you seen Jen this morning?"

"What did she say?"

"Have you seen Joanne?"

"Who'd wanna see her?!"

"Gosh, sorry, I know what you mean, it's disgusting"

"She's creepy"

"I heard-"

They haven't noticed me, scrubbing the tears out of my eyes and getting rid of the leaves and bits of twig still stuck in my hair I stalk past them, head held high.

"Euuuuuuuuurgh!" one of them shouts after me

"Euuuuuuuuuurgh!" the others quickly join in, their voices getting louder and higher, their voices whining like foghorns until they burst into giggles.

I run inside, shaking with anger, I swallow the sadness back down and stair defiantly down the corridor.

"JOANNE JEFFERSON!"

I sigh heavily; this is all I need,

"WHY ARE YOU NOT IN FULL UNIFORM?"

What am I supposed to say?! "Oh sorry Mrs Bell, my parents kicked me out of the house for being a lesbian and I spent last night sleeping under a hedge so I haven't had time to pop home and get changed into my hideous uniform just to please you quite yet, but just give me five minutes and I'll be all cleaned up and then I can come and participate in the excruciating form of torture that you call 'Geography' and things will all be lovely and the school will be kept at the top of the league tables, perfect reputation, perfect bloody boring reputation. You can go home and bitch to your husband about how much you hate teaching us and I can go and find Maureen and bitch to her about how much I hate you."

Maybe not

"sorry miss I-"

"JOANNE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE SOMEHOW ABOVE THE SCHOOL RULES?"

Yes

"No miss"

"DO YOU THINK IT IS ACCEPTABLE TO TURN UP IN SUCH INNAPPROPRIATE CLOTHING WHEN I'VE ALREADY HEARD RUMOURS ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE BEEN UP TO?"

Wait-

"Rumours miss?"

She nods gravely, her wrinkly, ropey skin pulling taught around her neck, her watery blue eyes boring into me. She had a horrible way of rolling words around in her mouth, savouring them like extra large cream cakes,

"rumours," she repeats

"I suggest you get along to Mrs Littlemore's office and she will find you a uniform suitable for school attire"

She turns slowly on her heal and lumbers off down the corridor.

Mrs Littlemore hands me the too big uniform and points to a small bathroom off to the side of her office where I'm supposed to get changed.

I stare at my grimy reflection in the cold clinical mirror

Maureen

I smile for the first time in what feels like forever

Maureen

I look down at the uniform, its baggy; the skirt almost reaches my calves. I hitch it up, rolling it over so the hem skims my thighs. I admire my new reflection in the mirror. The white shirt is too small, but I let it pull over my chest, you can just see the black of my underwear through the flimsy material.

I smile, stuff my jeans in my bag and saunter out of the bathroom before Mrs Littlemore can catch me. Who cares what they think.

The day passes in a complete blur, people jeer and shout, I'm shoved against lockers, the teachers won't look at me, if I put my hand up in class I get ignored. I keep my eyes fixed on the floor, don't rise to the bait, don't stoop to their level, all those stupid sayings from when I was in kindergarten come creeping back to me.

At lunchtime I sit by myself outside, Shoot! I should have brought food!

I stare at the gate, wishing Maureen would just walk through it; I stare at each body that passes through, wishing I could turn frumpy cardigans and leather court shoes into black leather and high heeled boots. In the end I just end up staring into space

"Oi! What are you staring at lesbo?!"

I can feel my self getting tense, I clench my arms tighter around my school bag

The girl, I think her name's Emily is coming towards me

"Oi lezzie! I'm talking to you!"

"You're not natural, you hear me?! You're sick! You're wrong!"

She's storming across the playground, I don't know where to turn to- she's getting closer and closer, I don't want to deal with this today-

"Is there a problem?" says a soft voice behind me

I turn, its Ms Garrett, she's quiet, a bit dreamy with flyaway brown hair, the girls bitch about her because she used to dye it purple, she teaches philosophy, but she doesn't teach my class

"No miss," I begin

"Emily I think we'd better have a little talk in my office" she says menacingly

She pats me gently on the shoulder and floats away, leading Emily by the arm, "If you ever need to talk dear-" she calls back

I smile and just when I think things can't get any better

"Maureen!" I say out loud

She bouncing towards me looking gorgeous in her tiny stripy mini dress, her hair bouncing across her shoulders, red lipstick smile plastered across her face

"Hey baby!" she's almost shouting again, I smile

The girls in the playground all turn and stare at her, there's a silence that would probably make anyone else turn and run but Maureen bounds towards me, swinging her school bag from her shoulder, she catches one of the older girls staring with her piggy eyes,

"What?"

The girl falters, wanting to look hard in front of her ring of friends

"You-" she begins

"Come on, don't be shy!" she giggles, "you know you want it!"

Laughing at the girl's horrified face she saunters on, she sticks out like a sore thumb in this mass of grey and beige uniforms, she's vibrant, there's more colour in her bright red lips than in the entire school put together. She keeps walking, her silver bangles jingle up and down her arms. All eyes on her and she's heading towards me.

"Hey" I smile relieved, with everything I've put up with today, she's the one person who can make it all go away

"Hey!" Maureen laughs, pecking a kiss on my nose, "rough day?"

"You have no idea," I smile back, "what are you doing here?"

"I got bored at lunch," she replies simply, "so I thought I'd come and bust you out of this hell hole! Anyways how could I resist spending more that a day away you when you look so hot in school uniform!" I laugh as she wiggles her eyebrows

Then she strokes my cheek lightly, "are you sure you're ok?"

"I'll be fine," I reassure her, as she pulls me into a soft kiss

"Ewwwwwwwww!" one of the younger girls squeals, I look round, Jen is standing behind the girl, she quietens her and hurries her away, her eyes red, she looks like she's been crying all night.

"Got a problem?!" Maureen yells after her

"Shhhh!"

"Come on" she giggles, dragging me to my feet, "lets get you out of here"

"But my-" I look hopelessly and the crazy curly haired girl who's pulling me across the playground occasionally shouting, "Hey! she's my girlfriend!" "Hey guys, look! Look at me and my girlfriend Jo!"

I blush and then I smile, girlfriend?

Once we're inside she slams me against the lockers and her breath is hot against my neck.

"Maureen-" I mumble not caring if anyone's looking,

"Get your stuff" she smiles into my ear, "you don't have to stay here anymore"

I grab my sleeping bag out of my locker, Maureen grabs my hand and we're running out of school, leaving cries from the other girls and Mrs Bell's jeering monotone voice behind.

We reach the end of the street panting and I'm gasping in a vain attempt to catch my breath.

"Did you get her?"

I whirl round to a boy standing expectantly in front of Maureen, he's wearing a cute flowery miniskirt and a baggy jacket in green, orange and yellow,

He?

Wow!

"Yep, this is her Angel!" Maureen smiles

"Nice to meet you Angel" I hold out my hand and she shakes it happily

"Good to meet you too! Maureen hasn't shut up about you all day" she replies

Maureen elbows her Angel the ribs

"So it looked like the only way to get her off the subject was to bring you down here," adds a skinny boy shyly, he's clutching an old fashioned camera to his chest like he could never let it go.

"Plus we couldn't bare to think of you locked up in that place," a boy in a black beanie appears winding his arms around Angel's waist

"God! How many more of you are there?!" I laugh

"Oh right! Sorry pookie" Maureen breaks in absentmindedly

"Joanne this is Angel, Mark and Collins, Angel, Mark and Collins this is my girlfriend, she's coming to stay with us."

A/N: Thanks for reading! The next chapter will be the last and it should hopefully be a bit shorter, I will try and update soon!, please review :


	5. Chapter 5

"Only because you stole the hosepipe and sprayed us all

A/N: Hey! Seeing as people wanted this to go on for a bit longer I've added a little epilogue on as an extra chapter. Thank you to all the lovely people who have read and reviewed. A lot of Joanne's fears and thoughts in the beginning are based on my own so it really means a lot. Anyways this is a bit of an epic last chapter but the next one will be shorter I promise. Let me know what you think, happy reading!

"Only because you stole the hosepipe and sprayed us all!"

"Oh please, somebody had to do it!"

"And then you took my water gun!"

I smile and bite off another chunk from the bar of mint chocolate Angel's sharing with me. As I've been writing this Mark, Maureen and Collins have been hotly debating the winner of the water fight we'd had earlier (which had ended with an entire bucket of water balloons being tipped over Mark's head) for almost ten minutes. The sun blazes over head and we sit lazing beneath the shade of a tree in the grassy park close to everyone's houses

-except mine.

The sun quickly dries our soaking clothes and the warmth makes Maureen's hair curl and frizz around her flushed face, she laughs when she catches me staring and tugs irritably at her wild cocoa coloured ringlets. Children across the park climb into the water fountain in a vain attempt to keep cool. The mixed school has broken up early on account of the heat,

I shudder at the thought of everyone at the girls high dressed in long stockings, woolly cardigans and tight knotted ties that they weren't allowed to take off, sitting in a stifling, stuffy classroom listening to Mrs Piggott drone through the 'exact way to conjugate irregular verbs in the present tense'

"Mimi!" Angel yells happily, jumping up and rushing across the park to hug a skinny girl in fishnet tights and a short flowing skirt. Mimi screams too and runs towards Angel

"Ha ha!" she shouts, whipping out a water pistol and soaking Angel with it just before they meet

"Mimi!" Angel runs after her grabbing her and tickling mercilessly until she falls over

"Hey!" Mimi splutters trying to recover from the giggles, "that's what we get for having a water fight without me!"

"You wanna talk about water fights go over there," Angel laughs nodding her head towards Mark and Maureen who were still arguing.

Collins detaches himself from their bickering and winds his arms round Angel's neck, whispering something in her ear. Angel smiles and turns to face him, pressing a small kiss against his lips.

Mimi rolls her eyes expressively and smiling she turns to me,

"I'm Mimi," she says

"I'm Joanne," I smile back, Mimi's got the kind of hair I'd love to have, dark and wavy and almost down to her waist, her eyes are big and bright and she's chewing on bubblegum, I let the scent of raspberry and peach wash over me, "you want some chocolate?" I ask, offering the bar

"thanks!" she smiles, "so how do you know maur-"

Her voice is drowned out as Mark and Maureen's squabble increases in volume, to be honest its really only Maureen squabbling, Mark is pretty much letting it all wash over him with a vacant look on his face, he's about a million miles away-

"So ANYWAY" Angel cuts in through Maureen's speech about how it was completely fair that she stole Mark's clothes in an attempt to stop him leaving our team to go and put his camera in 'a safe place where it wouldn't get wet'

"who's Jo gonna stay with tonight?"

"oh, don't worry about-" I begin

"come on chica," Angel looks into my eyes, "where else have you got to go?"

"She can stay with me!" Maureen shouts gleefully

Wow! Does she really mean that?

"Wont your parents mind?" I ask, hoping they won't

"don't worry about it" Maureen says, throwing her arm around my shoulders, "they're out of town until the weekend anyway."

NODAYBUTTODAYNODAYBUTTODAYNODAYBUTTODAYNODAYBUTTO

By seven o'clock that evening we're all lying in Maureen's lounge, in minimal clothing exhausted from the heat.

"It's too hot!" Maureen complains loudly, fanning herself with her hand, she's sprawled against the couch, wearing basically her underwear. Maureen might look amazing in her clothes but she looks even better out of them.

I role onto my stomach, my swimming costume is pretty much dry now, it was the old handout one I got from school, plain navy and boring as hell until Angel and Mimi decided it needed a makeover, I trace my fingers through the heart shape they cut around my bellybutton and the silver glitter glue sparkles that only just survived the wrath of Collins' and Angel's water balloon ambush. I laugh.

It's so boiling now that even my water balloon assaulters have been forced to tear themselves away from each other; Collins and Angel now lie at opposite ends of the couch, feet touching. Mark is in his boxers, filming Mimi who's making a series of grotesque faces at the camera lens.

Suddenly someone bursts through the door, guitar slung across his back; he runs his fingers through his messy blond hair and shoves his stuff in the corner.

"Hey Roger!" everyone choruses

"Hey guys," Roger replies, "hey Mark," he smiles at the sight of Mark lying on the floor in his underwear now using his camera to film his own set of funny faces.

"Hey," Mark blushes, scrambling into a sitting position, I smile at the two of them

"Roger, this is Joanne, my new girlfriend," Maureen says loudly, pointing at me

"Hey," I mumble shyly

"She's gonna stay with us for a bit, her folks kicked her out"

"Maureen!" Mimi squeals, "You have the world's biggest mouth"

Maureen laughs and waggles her tongue in Mimi's direction.

"Wow, tough break," Roger mumbles, "Jesus, you guys know it's like a sauna in here right?"

"No Roger we hadn't that's why were lying around in our underwear in the middle of the evening" Mark replies

Roger sticks up his middle finger and throws himself moodily down on the chair next to me

"Right I've had enough of this, lets get ice cream! Who's coming?" Angel asks

"Me!" shouts Collins helping Angel up off the couch

"Me too!" echo Maureen, Mark and Mimi

Roger stays slumped on the couch

"You coming?" asks Mark, his blue eyes concerned,

"No I'm good," Roger smiles softly back

I make for the doorway and then I feel a hand on my arm, I turn to see Mark standing behind me,

"Joanne do you think you could stay here with Roger?" he asks nervously, "I mean I don't like to ask, but he hasn't been himself lately and he wont talk to me-"

"Don't worry," I smile, Mark's one of the sweetest guys I've ever met, a million miles away from all the frat boys from the boys school across the street from the high, and I've only known him for half a day. "I'll stay."

Maureen winks at me and mouths "I'll bring you back something nice"

I smile and flop back down into the chair next to Roger's

"You ok?" I ask

"fine." He smiles back, avoiding any eye contact he gazes out of the window for several seconds fiddling with the chain on his jeans. His face is agitated, I see him slightly stroke the wool of Mark's stripy scarf which he's left in a heap on the arm of the chair when he thinks I'm not looking. Then after several minutes of silence;

"Do you ever wish you could just be yourself? Without having to worry about what other people will think"

I pause for a what seems like forever "All the time," I reply sadly, "but it gets easier, and there are people, people like Maureen and Collins, Mimi, Angel and Mark, people like me, who don't care about that kind of stuff, who'll accept you no matter what happens, that's something I've only learnt today.

Roger takes a sharp breath in "I think I'm-" he breaks off abruptly

"just say it," I encourage, "its not as hard as you think-"

"Yeah?! And how would you know?" he bursts out, tugging at his hair and scrubbing his face with his hands, "every single day all I bloody think about is him, I think I'm in- Its not fair!, I don't wanna feel like this, I just, I just want-" Roger looks straight at me his emerald eyes burning into me, "he's my best friend for god's sake."

"Mark?" I whisper, "you have to tell him"

Roger looks alarmed, "what?!"

"trust me, it's the only way to get over it, and you never know, you might get everything you've ever wanted,"

Roger looks at the floor, "ok," he whispers

"ICE CREAM!" Maureen yells, carrying two double scoop cones with sprinkles, chocolate sauce, cream and cherries, I grab one and kiss her on the cheek.

I see Roger grab Mark's arm and lead him into the kitchen, five minutes later they walk out smiling, Roger winks at me and I laugh out loud,

NODAYBUTTODAYNODAYBUTTODAYNODAYBUTTODAYNODAYBUTTO

It's the middle of the night and there's a knock in the door, I jolt awake, and smile to see my new friends sprawled in various states of dishevelment across the floor of the lounge. Untangling my self from Maureen. I carefully step over a sleeping Roger, who's got his arms wrapped around Mark's waist. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes I open the door a crack.

Jen?

"Jen?" I whisper in disbelief

She's standing out in the freezing cold. Her eyes are red, her hair is messy, she stands in the doorway twisting her sleeves between her thin fingers

"I'm sorry-" she begins

I wait, how the hell did she even find me?

"I shouldn't have reacted how I did, I mean, if you like, boys or girls, it doesn't change the fact that you're my friend. I shouldn't have run away, I was scared, I, I didn't know what to do- I just-" she starts to cry,

I reach out and touch her arm, I don't know why,

"my parents are sending me away, they don't want me to be near you-" she continues

"Jen, no!" I whisper, "you can't let them do that to you, you have to stand up for yourself, think about what you want, what you believe, not what they thinks best-"

She shakes her head rapidly back and forth

"No, I can't-" she whispers through sobs, "they'd kill me if they knew I was here,"

I stand there helplessly,

"I've got to go," she whispers, "I'll write everyday I promise,"

"Jen!" I call after her, but she's already disappearing down the stairs.

I turn back into the hallway, and walk slowly back into the lounge, I'm in a daze again.

But things get clearer when I see Maureen curled up in our mass of blankets, her soft hair covering her face, I smooth it back and plant a soft kiss on her red lips, as I snuggle against her nothing seems to matter anymore. I'm happy here, I'm happy now.

A/N: liked it? Loved it? Hated it? Please review and then read on!


	6. Epilogue

Dear Diary

Dear Diary

Life is amazing. One big crazy sparkling singing whizzing rollercoaster, right? Things fly past at a million miles an hour and in one day absolutely everything can change, even if you feel like they're set in stone forever. This past year's been mental. I've gone from lonely private school freak struggling to come to terms with who I really am, to the girlfriend of one of the most fun, loving people I've ever met, This is living, this is really living. And I'm proud of who I am.

I haven't seen my parents since the night they kicked me out. But I've learned something about family this year; there not always the ones that love you the most, sometimes it's the family you make for yourself, there will always be people who are gonna love you for who you are. Maureen's reading over my shoulder now,

This is the not so secret diary of Joanne Jefferson aged 17 3/4 high school student, straight A student actually, future lawyer, definite lunatic and lesbian.

I live in a run down seventh story apartment with my girlfriend Maureen, (Mark and Roger share the other room now) we live on about two boxes of Captain Crunch a week, Roger wakes us all up at 3am playing the guitar until Mark gets him back to sleep, most of the time there are at least four of our friends hanging around the living room, you can't get any privacy, the neighbours bang on the ceiling if we're playing our music at full volume cos Angel wants to dance, at night Maureen hold me so tight I can feel her heart beating through her chest, to the same rhythm as mine.

And I've never been happier

The end xxx


End file.
